How to Help Someone Going Through Divorce (Guest Blog: Mary Yana Burau)
How do you help a friend or loved one copy with the emotional toll – and often the grief – that often accompanies divorce? Educator and Michigan author, Mary Yana Burau, whose work focuses on lifestyle, etiquette, family, and relationships, offers her Top Ten Tips for supporting a loved on going through a divorce or family law issue:
Here are my “Top Ten Tips on Helping Someone You Care For Go Through Grief and/or a Life Altering Crisis.”
1. The only legal advice you are to give is to get a good attorney and one your friend feels they communicate well with. Leave the business of divorce up to the professionals.
2. Take a dinner over every once in a while. Not to have to think about a meal is a welcomed gift and gesture of love. Just find out any allergies or dislikes and make arrangements in advance rather than just showing up. Offer to drop off in person, or to leave in a cooler on the porch. Your friend may not feel like talking or explaining, nor do they need to, or they may want to see a friendly face. Leave it up to them, asking “Hey, I can drop off dinner when you are home, or if it is easier, I can leave it. Which is best for you?” They’ll let you know how they feel. If cooking is not your thing, drop off a gift card to one of their favorite places with a nice note.
3. If there are children involved, offer to take their kiddos for an afternoon or a couple of hours. Sometimes a little break from the kids is a nice little boost. If they say no, just let them know the invitation is open and they can just let you know when another time would work best.
4. Occasionally call to check in with them. Everyone has voice mail and caller ID now so if they choose not to pick up, they don’t have to. Just say something like, “I’m thinking about you. If you feel like talking or there is something you need, please let me know. I’d love to help in anyway I can.”
5. Remember, you are not the counselor or therapist. Counseling, unless you are qualified, is best left up to the professionals also. Be a good listener. Sometimes, just being a sounding board allows those going through a tough situation to verbalize and then figure out their own solutions.
6. A strong Faith can be of benefit to anyone going through tough times. If you are comfortable, offer to pray for your friend and their family, or suggest that they talk to their pastor/priest. They also may have a support group which could be very helpful.
7. Suggest something fun to do, like a dinner out, an evening of painting, crafts or baking. Put on some music and keep the atmosphere light. A break from a stressful situation can be a little vacation for the mind.
8. If you are at a loss as to what to do, a nice brisk walk through a park or a different neighborhood will get everyone’s blood flowing, some fresh air and a little conversation. Keep the conversation low key.
9. Be the friend and do things you have always done together. If you occasionally have a movie night or a special tv show you watch together, keep it going. Keeping with a regular routine is a good way for your friend to maintain some stability. Right now it is them who experiencing tough times. Next time it could be you. Remind them of that or of times in the past where they have been there for you. I always say when any friend thanks me for any kind gesture, “Hey, you have been there for us you know. It goes both ways,” because it does and that’s the truth (always be truthful).
10. Invite your friend over to make and enjoy dinner. Again, the fun music, chopping, and discussing new recipes, can be both informative and fun and then sitting down with people around a table who genuinely care about you can make your friend think or say... “It’s a Great Day.”
NOTES FROM BANFIELD COULING LAW & MEDIATION:
(1) Our thanks to Mary Yana Burau, author of It’s a Great Day To...Gather Around Table and the upcoming book, It’s a Great Day To...Pull Up a Chair. She is a graduate of the University of Michigan School of Education and has taught home economics classes for children/ adults and worked in the Flint Schools, as well. She and her husband Brad have three adult children and two granddaughters.
(2) For more information on Mary Yana and her books and inspiring articles, visit: https://www.itsagreatdayto.com/
PLEASE NOTE: This blog is not intended to constitute legal, financial, or mental health advice. We do not recommend making important decisions without the benefit of specific legal or professional advice addressing your issues and concerns. We at Banfield Couling Law and Mediation PLLC are here to help navigate your legal matter at any stage of your divorce or family law matter.