MICHIGAN DIVORCE TOP TIPS #2 - The Myth About an Age When Children Decide Where to Live

Clients frequently ask, "At what age can my child choose which parent to live with?"  The short answer is, "When they turn 18."  

Under Michigan law, parents and, if necessary, the Courts, decide with whom a child resides. Children do not have the legal right to choose between their parents' homes -- not at age 12, or 14, or 16.   Only adults (or legally emancipated individuals) can choose their place of residence.    

So does a child's opinion count for anything? Yes. In a custody dispute, the reasonable preference of a child is a factor a Court must consider when weighing the best interests of a child.  MCL 722.23(i).  However, the child's preference is by no means conclusive.  The child's preference must be "reasonable" and it is only one of many legal factors. 

Many judges, lawyers and mental health professionals discourage placing children in the painful and pressured situation of a "choosing" a parent.  However, if a custody dispute does go to trial, if the child is of reasonable age and capacity, then the child may be interviewed by the judge regarding his or her preference. 

As a former Family Court Referee for Genesee County, my interviews with children left me with the profound conviction that children should be protected from the pressure to "choose between parents" to the greatest degree possible.  I have difficult memories of children frozen in terror (refusing to speak to a stranger in a black robe) and, alternatively, children parroting rehearsed-sounding "talking points" which mirrored the testimony just given by a parent. 

Clearly, child-centered parenting is a more positive approach.  Divorcing parents who want to avoid trial can create their own custom parenting schedules.  Michigan law recognizes that children have an inherent right to a relationship with both parents.  How much better for a child to enjoy the love and companionship of two caring parents? 

Rather than placing their child's custody in the hands of the Court, parents who choose Streamline Divorce, Mediation, Collaborative Divorce and other out-of-court processes remain in control of the important decisions affecting their children.  These parents also express a much higher degree of satisfaction with the outcomes.

Wherever possible, the divorce and family law options which help keep decision-making in the parents' hands also have the added benefits of shielding children from much of the fallout from their parents' break up ... and of letting children be children.

To learn more about the sensitive issue of children's preference in divorce and custody matters, please contact one of our experienced attorneys at Banfield Couling PLLC, where our mission is to handle each client's family law matter with the care and integrity would for our own.